On the Other Hand

I used to believe that I absolutely needed to be passionate about something in my life... a hobby, a cause, my writing... something. I based that belief on the logic that without that passion, there would be something missing in my life. I did not always reside in the real world and I sometimes neglected very important matters... but I felt vividly alive.

And then, as life sometimes happens, a series of eye-opening events brought me back down to earth. I was forced to rejoin the real world and to finally grow up. Suddenly, being passionate occasionally became something of a distraction. My thoughts began to be focused on making money and belatedly setting aside a nest egg for my retirement, which is just around the corner. I had to come to terms with the financial mess I had put myself into. So I had little time for my passions. I had become pragmatic and practical. As I had hoped would be the case, people began to see me as more solid and focused. I no longer felt that I had to justify my existence to other people and I was treated with the beginnings of respect. So my life was significantly better in that regard. But now there was something missing.

I found myself in the same position as Jack, in Jack and the Beanstalk. I was doing my best to escape the giant, as I was sliding down the beanstalk back to earth. Halfway down, I looked up and realized I would miss the danger and the excitement of that adventure. I looked down at my home and my family and I also realized that I missed what I had there. Somehow I wanted to exist in between the two poles of my existence. But I know that being able to find that balance in life is difficult to achieve and even more difficult to sustain.

For a time, I haven't written very much. I would not make the time to do that. I was in that mode of "...and miles to go before I sleep."

If you have read this blog and my other blog, insidemyworldhfireman.blogspot.com, you would know that I feel passionately that somehow part of my destiny is to be a writer, if only the writer of a weblog. I make a small difference in the world by being creative and sharing with the world my take on things. So I sense that it is important for me to set some time aside for writing.

In my journey, I am at that point at which I am figuring out a little better how life works and understanding what usually does not work well in the end. I also know very well that just knowing what choices I should be making will not guarantee that I make the right choices or the best choices for me.

I will have to pick and choose carefully how I fill out each day. Some days I will have to be more of the solid, practical soul. Other days I will have the luxury of giving into my whims and passions. Hopefully, I will have acquired the wisdom to know best when to do one thing or the other... to find that elusive balance in our lives that all of us should be striving to find.

One thing is certainly true. There is nothing we will ever choose to do or say that will not impact someone else. We will continually be impacted by what other people do. So it would seem that striking a balance in our days is important not just to us but to the larger world beyond that of our individual lives.

Living on the edge and living dangerously and passionately feels amazing... thrilling... exhilarating. One should remember, however, that living on the edge is much akin to falling in love. In both cases, one lives through the equivalent of a self-induced high. And when "the honeymoon period" ends, we turn back into the person we were before our escape from reality. That can be an awful moment or a moment like any other. How it does turn out will all depend on how well we have been able to keep things in context, never losing sight of what we practically need to be doing to keep life on an even keel.

Thankfully, I am doing just that now. My head is clear. I am using this window of opportunity to indulge myself and do some writing. My life is still good. I am pleased that you were here to share this moment with me.

Kindest regards,

Howard Fireman